I was interviewed by a woman promoting voices from prison with a internet show called”Doing Time”. I was so excited to take on an interview. But I was nervous because I had no clue what she would ask. If she asked questions about the case I was afraid I would get the facts mixed up. My grandma, my aunt Gwen and my father studied his case for years. Reading it on trailers while I colored in my hello kitty coloring book. It was always my dream to be good at coloring like my father. Those were the times when a 64 pack of crayons crayons was my ultimate happiness booster. Now that I’m older and haven’t had the chance to reread everything in depth like they did, I would hate to mess anything up . What’s interesting is she didn’t ask anything about the case. I’ve reviewed all the facts just to be prepared. And the question that stumped me was a question she asked about me. She said, “how has this effected you”. They question still replays in my head. How can does a wrongful conviction effect any child? But more specifically how did it effect me. What did it force me to do, feel, learn?
Honestly I can’t even begin to explain how this has effected me. In my mind, I froze. I wanted to say everything that didn’t expose all the hurt and pain I’ve truly been thru. And honestly that’s all I could bring myself to say.
But there’s more! This has effected me in so many ways then one. I don’t even know where to start. With my relationships, I tried so hard to maintain them. To woo people,always please them and put their wants and needs before mine . Doesn’t matter who the person was I wanted them to stay in my life forever. I was afraid to lose someone I gained a relationship with. I disregarded the hurt that a person brought to me, shielding my feelings from pain so I could maintain our relationship. Often causing more hurt to myself from holding back my true feelings.
And with my emotions, I’m often nervous, second guessing myself. Scared to start a new task. Because I can’t let my family down. I have to be great at everything I do. Maybe because I’m going thru a battle within. Constantly telling myself “One day my father will come home” and on the other hand saying, “maybe he won’t it’s been 27 years they aren’t going to let him out”.
And let’s not forget my life. And how this has effected my upbringing. I am Thankful because out of it all I’m stronger. Even though my grandmothers did their best to help us. I was in a single family home with just my mom. So I knew at a young age that I may not have everything I wanted but I did have everything I needed. My mom worked hard to get me everything I had, so never questioned her. My mom had the biggest job, being my father and mother causing her moments of assertiveness and moments of comfort. Which I now have so much respect for, because without my moms strength I definitely wouldn’t be who I am today. I wouldn’t have graduated college , or learned how to speak Spanish, or over came the common pipeline of our black communities. Without seeing my mom struggle and having her preaching values and morals to me. I wouldn’t have become the strong, educated woman I am today.
So now I can finally answer the question. How has my fathers imprisonment effected me? You see it’s effected me in many ways then one, but mostly it has empowered me to deal with empathy in a new way and that is with power.
Honestly I can’t even begin to explain how this has effected me. In my mind, I froze. I wanted to say everything that didn’t expose all the hurt and pain I’ve truly been thru. And honestly that’s all I could bring myself to say.
But there’s more! This has effected me in so many ways then one. I don’t even know where to start. With my relationships, I tried so hard to maintain them. To woo people,always please them and put their wants and needs before mine . Doesn’t matter who the person was I wanted them to stay in my life forever. I was afraid to lose someone I gained a relationship with. I disregarded the hurt that a person brought to me, shielding my feelings from pain so I could maintain our relationship. Often causing more hurt to myself from holding back my true feelings.
And with my emotions, I’m often nervous, second guessing myself. Scared to start a new task. Because I can’t let my family down. I have to be great at everything I do. Maybe because I’m going thru a battle within. Constantly telling myself “One day my father will come home” and on the other hand saying, “maybe he won’t it’s been 27 years they aren’t going to let him out”.
And let’s not forget my life. And how this has effected my upbringing. I am Thankful because out of it all I’m stronger. Even though my grandmothers did their best to help us. I was in a single family home with just my mom. So I knew at a young age that I may not have everything I wanted but I did have everything I needed. My mom worked hard to get me everything I had, so never questioned her. My mom had the biggest job, being my father and mother causing her moments of assertiveness and moments of comfort. Which I now have so much respect for, because without my moms strength I definitely wouldn’t be who I am today. I wouldn’t have graduated college , or learned how to speak Spanish, or over came the common pipeline of our black communities. Without seeing my mom struggle and having her preaching values and morals to me. I wouldn’t have become the strong, educated woman I am today.
So now I can finally answer the question. How has my fathers imprisonment effected me? You see it’s effected me in many ways then one, but mostly it has empowered me to deal with empathy in a new way and that is with power.